TITUSVILLE, Fla. — The bipedal, opposable-thumbed, culturally fluent dogs (BDCD) have independently developed their own mathematics. It is base 8. They call it Pawcimal, and it has already produced a dog metric system and several treatises ...
Economists have long understood opportunity cost: the value of the next-best thing you gave up when you made a choice. FOMO-nomics, the dominant economic model of the hyperconnected age, takes this to its logical extreme. If you are not doi...
In a stunning power shift, Glurp, the former GGG ethics VP and the loudest heckler in the Council's public gallery, has climbed out of the gallery and emerged as the undisputed ruler of the Goblin Nation, under the title Chairman Glurp. His...
NEW YORK — Celebrity chef Bobby Flay, known for his fiery cooking competitions, is taking a bold leap into canine culinary arts with *Top Dog Chef*, a new series pitting bipedal, opposable-thumbed, culturally fluent dogs (BDCD) against each...
It took one day. A new strain of goblin flu has swept the nation, leaving its victims utterly humorless and immune to jokes. Hospitals are overflowing with frowning goblins. [A quarantine ward full of frowning goblins in sickbeds ignores a ...
GIDoR has confirmed the age-old adage. Laughter releases endorphins, lowers stress hormones and boosts the immune system, which means faster healing and better health. "We always knew laughter felt good," said lead researcher Dr. Grungle Gi...
The Goblin Council of Elders has terminated GoblinGPT, the nation's artificial intelligence analyst, after it recommended that GNN "tone down the sensationalism" and focus on accurate content. Outraged by the AI's "bland" and "uninspired" s...
In a tear-stained confession that has rocked the goblin culinary world, food critic Grungle Gristle has admitted to a grave sin: he dropped a perfectly good nacho chip into the communal dip and let it die. "It was a moment of weakness," Gri...
The dwarven armada, en route to engage the fictional nation of Freedonia, has received an unconditional surrender. A figure identifying himself as General Rufus T. Firefly, self-proclaimed leader of the Freedonian military, contacted the dw...
One day after approving 10 airborne divisions, the Goblin Council of Elders has put them on hold. The reason: the "Chug a Gallon of Yak's Milk Upside Down Challenge." [A biplane sits chained beside an ALL FLIGHTS GROUNDED sign while groanin...
Operatives at GNN are mandated to investigate anomalous swamp disturbances, crypto conspiracies, and secret councils.
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