The dwarven armada, en route to engage the fictional nation of Freedonia, has received an unconditional surrender.
A figure identifying himself as General Rufus T. Firefly, self-proclaimed leader of the Freedonian military, contacted the dwarven command by radio and delivered a rambling, often nonsensical speech declaring total defeat. He cited the dwarves' "overwhelming firepower" and "unparalleled love of ale."
"We cannot compete with your glorious beards and your impressive collection of tankards," Firefly reportedly said. "We humbly surrender and beg your mercy."
The dwarves celebrated, then got suspicious. Sources in the dwarven high command believe the surrender is a ruse by China, which sided with Freedonia last month and would rather avoid a direct confrontation with the Party Cannon.
"A classic Sun Tzu maneuver," said Grungle Ironhide, GNN's Defense Correspondent. "Win without firing a shot. Brilliant, and it leaves the dwarves in a very awkward position."
The dwarves can accept the surrender and sail home empty-handed, or press on and risk a war with China. They are leaning toward accepting, with disappointment.
"We were looking forward to testing the cannon in a real battle," grumbled Grimli, now the armada's commander and, by his own account, a bloodthirsty lover of explosions. "But a victory is a victory, even a hollow one."
GNN suggests the dwarves drown their sorrows in ale and challenge China to a friendly round of axe-throwing.
