It took one day. A new strain of goblin flu has swept the nation, leaving its victims utterly humorless and immune to jokes. Hospitals are overflowing with frowning goblins.
"The worst outbreak we've ever seen," said Dr. Grungle Bonesaw, GNN's medical correspondent. "Persistent frowning, an inability to appreciate puns and a complete lack of interest in fart jokes. A medical nightmare."
The strain, dubbed Grinchflu, has resisted every traditional remedy: fermented mushroom juice, slapstick and the most embarrassing pratfalls available.
"We've tried everything," sighed Dr. Grungle Sniffles, a goblin virologist. "Knock-knock jokes. Limericks. A puppet show reenacting the Meat Grinder. Nothing."
The Goblin Council of Elders, initially dismissive, has issued a public health warning: avoid large gatherings, wash your hands with fermented sanitizer, and above all tell no jokes, however hilarious.
"Laughter is now a matter of national security," declared Elder Gnarltooth, grim and unsmiling.
Dr. Giggles of GIDoR, who warned of exactly this yesterday, has asked that nobody say "I told you so" because it might be funny.
