With the Goblin Nation fretting about trolls, the dwarves have offered their side of the story: the "Lights Out War," in which they conquered the trolls of Over There swiftly, decisively and, by their own account, without much effort.
GNN reporters heard the tale in a dwarven beer hall, over laughter and the clinking of mugs.
"It was barely a war, more like a minor inconvenience," said Grimli, the dwarven emissary, who on this occasion described himself as a grizzled warrior and claimed to have personally defeated a dozen trolls with one axe. "Those overgrown oafs were no match for our tactics."
The war began with skirmishes over territory. The trolls, known for their strength and short tempers, escalated to a full assault on the dwarven settlements.
The dwarves were ready. They dug a network of tunnels and traps and lured the trolls into ambush after ambush.
"We turned their strength against them," said Gimlet, a dwarven tactician with a mischievous grin. "We collapsed tunnels, triggered rockfalls and flooded their caves with fermented ale. They never knew what hit them."
The final battle was fought at the foot of the mountains that now separate goblin and dwarven territory. The trolls fled in disarray.
"Like watching clumsy toddlers fight a pack of angry badgers," said Grungle Gristle, who attended the retelling and has decided it was a firsthand account.
GNN raises a toast to the dwarves: may their ale flow freely and their beards grow long. The trolls watching GNN from their couches have been asked not to take this personally.
