The Goblin Council of Elders has announced a bold plan to address the opium crisis it created last week. Citing drug decriminalization in Portugal and Uruguay, the Council proposes to go considerably further and turn the entire nation into an open marketplace for the street drug trade.
"We've tried prohibition, we've tried education, we've even tried banning fermented mushroom ale on Tuesdays," said Elder Gnarltooth, his voice raspy from endless Council debates. "Nothing works. It's time to try something radical."
The plan, dubbed "Operation Narco-Goblin," decriminalizes all drugs, opium included, and lets the free market regulate the trade. The Council envisions a chaotic yet vibrant marketplace where rival gangs battle for prime street corners and goblin entrepreneurs hawk everything from psychedelic mushrooms to highly potent goblin moonshine.
"This is not about condoning drug use," said Glurp, the former GGG ethics VP, shouting his support from the Council's public gallery. "It's about harm reduction and empowering our citizens to make their own choices. By legalizing and regulating the trade, we can ensure quality and safety while generating much-needed tax revenue."
Asked how the Council would regulate a market it had just declared free of regulation, Glurp said the question was "above his pay grade," which is zero.
Dr. Gloopglop, head of the Goblin Health Department, was less enthusiastic.
"This is a public health catastrophe waiting to happen," she warned. "We are creating a breeding ground for addiction and crime."
The Council is unmoved. It argues prohibition only fed the black market, and that by legalizing everything it can wrest control from the criminals. The criminals have responded by applying for business licenses.
