Seismic activity across the globe has dropped to an all-time low since the dwarves left their underground halls, and GNN's investigative team (who barely passed geology) has found the correlation.
Earthquakes, eruptions and subterranean rumbles are all down.
"It's as if the dwarves were holding the planet together with pickaxes and stubbornness," said Grungle Gristle, who is relieved that his mushroom juice collection is no longer in danger of tremors.
Meanwhile, explosions above ground have reached record highs. The culprits: goblin inventors, military enthusiasts and pyromaniacs taking full advantage of the quiet.
"Classic cause and effect," said Professor Gnarlblast, a renowned goblin pyrotechnician nursing singed eyebrows after a failed test of a rocket-powered pogo stick. "The dwarves kept the earth stable with constant mining. Now the pressure is building up, and it's coming out as goblin-made explosions."
Asked how a lack of mining causes goblins to blow things up, the professor blew something up.
The Goblin Council of Elders, while privately enjoying the displays, has urged goblins to refrain from excessive detonation, lest they set off a chain reaction that destabilizes the planet. GNN recommends earplugs, fireproof underwear and a sturdy helmet.
