So much for imaginary. The Orcish Air Force has launched a surprise attack on goblin ports across the nation, flying comically slow zeppelins painted with crude drawings of goblins and unflattering slogans, and dropping dung bombs on everyone below.
GNN reporters describe chaos at the docks: goblins scrambling for cover, dodging falling excrement and cursing the sky. The smell has caused widespread nausea and a run on nose plugs and gas masks.
"This is an outrage!" cried Grungle Gristle, ducking under a dung shower on the waterfront. "The orcs are real, and they are disgusting! The Council must act!"
The Council, caught off guard, ordered a counterattack with the new Party Cannons. The confetti and candy had little effect. The zeppelins are slow enough that several crews reportedly caught the candy and ate it.
The Orcish Liberation Front has claimed responsibility, calling the raid retaliation for the Council's insistence that orcs do not exist. "We will not be ignored!" a masked spokesperson declared. "The goblins will learn to respect the orcs, or they will drown in our dung!"
The Council has not commented on whether it still considers the zeppelins imaginary. GNN advises goblins to seek shelter, wear protective gear and stock up on air fresheners.
