Elder Gurglax held a press conference to deny that Goblin Gummies are "soma," the mind-control drug from the human novel Brave New World. Nobody could hear him, because Ol' Reliable, the Council's titanic shredder, was running at full speed three feet behind the podium.
"THESE LUDICROUS ACCUSATIONS ARE FEAR-MONGERING AND SLANDER!" Gurglax shouted over the grinding gears and tearing paper. "GOBLIN GUMMIES ARE A DELICIOUS AND HARMLESS TREAT DESIGNED TO ENHANCE COGNITIVE FUNCTION! THEY ARE NOT A SINISTER TOOL OF MIND CONTROL!"
Grungle Gristle, GNN's Chief Analyst, missed the press conference, citing a sudden "paper allergy." He is not convinced.
"Why deny a rumor unless you have something to hide?" Gristle said. "And it's no coincidence that Ol' Reliable is working overtime just as these allegations surface. What's going in there? The ingredient list? The blueprints for a gummy-powered mind-control ray?"
Asked what was being shredded, a Council aide said "nothing," and fed in another box.
In goblin politics, nothing is as sweet as it seems. Except the gummies, which are very sweet.
