In a bid to regain leverage over the Chinese military's ongoing "exercises" on Mudwick Isle, the Goblin Council of Elders has issued a new threat: famine. After a hasty consultation with the Oracle and a few panicked scrolls through their spell books, the elders declared they would unleash a devastating food shortage on China if the exercises did not stop at once.
"We hold the power of the harvest in our gnarled hands!" proclaimed Elder Gnarltooth. "If China does not heed our warning, we will summon a plague of locusts, blight their crops and turn their fertile fields into barren wastelands!"
China has not formally responded. Its only reply, delivered as a batch of fortune cookies, read: "The wise panda does not fear the empty threats of a fermented mushroom-addled goblin."
"They think they can ignore us?" sputtered Elder Fungella, turning a vibrant shade of purple. "We'll unleash a famine so severe they'll be begging for our moldy cheese and stale bread crumbs!"
The exercises have continued with renewed vigor. Reports suggest the soldiers have increased their consumption of rice and noodles, which the Council has called a blatant act of defiance.
The plan took a further blow when the Council's own military advisors reviewed it. "With all due respect, Elders," a seasoned goblin general ventured, "a famine would be deliciously ineffective. Our people are used to scarcity and questionable sustenance. They'd treat it as a chance to experiment with fermented seaweed jerky and pickled beetle larvae." The Council backpedaled, mumbling about "misinterpreting the Oracle's prophecy."
GNN has spun the episode as a strategic masterstroke. "The elders' bold declaration has exposed China's weakness," an anchor announced, voice trembling. "They are clearly terrified of our fermented mushroom arsenal!"
"They can't even threaten a famine properly," said one goblin, munching a moldy cheese sandwich. "What's next? A tickle fight with the trolls? A staring contest with the pixies?" The Council has asked for both proposals in writing.
