Anonymous sources have been spreading vicious lies about goblin news. These shadowy figures, who clearly have nothing better to do, claim goblin news is "drying up faster than Darden's supply of allegedly infinite breadsticks."
Nothing could be further from the truth. GNN is thriving, with record-breaking viewership, explosive scoops and a loyal audience that craves our blend of hard-hitting journalism and irreverent humor.
Our own sources, who are definitely real and not figments of our imagination, confirm that these rumors are a coordinated smear campaign by jealous rivals and disgruntled ex-employees.
Report libel and earn a reward!
Do you know who these anonymous sources are? Have you seen anything suspicious? Call the GNN Hit Squad Hotline immediately.
Tips leading to the identification and apprehension of these rumor-mongers will be rewarded with gold coins, fermented mushroom juice and a lifetime supply of GNN merchandise, including the exclusive "Grungle Gristle Fan Club" T-shirt.
Stand with GNN against the forces of misinformation. GNN is not responsible for injuries, property damage or spontaneous combustion resulting from a call to the Hit Squad Hotline. Please report libel responsibly, and wear protective gear.
