A well-groomed beard is a sign of weakness. GNN's grooming desk has five rules for the goblin who wants to look like he lost a fight with a hedge and won.
- Embrace the chaos. Resist the urge to tame your beard. Let it grow wild and free, a reflection of your untamed goblin spirit.
- Ditch the combs and brushes. Those are for gnomes. Let your beard become a tangled masterpiece, a haven for curious critters and a testament to your ruggedness. If something moves in there, it pays rent or it leaves.
- Feast on fermented delights. A diet of fermented mushrooms, pickled eyeballs and other questionable delicacies nourishes the body and promotes robust beard growth. Embrace the funk.
- Embrace the elements. Rain, sleet or snow, let your beard experience it all. The weather adds character and a unique fragrance that will strike fear into the hearts of your enemies, and most of your friends.
- Decorate with pride. Adorn your beard with shiny baubles, colorful feathers and miniature skulls. Your beard is a canvas.
Bonus tip for lady goblins: braid it with bravado. Weave ribbons, shiny trinkets and captured insects into your beard braids. The insects should be dead. They usually are, by the second day.
