A survey by the Goblin Technological Institute (GTI) has found that most goblins cannot tell cell service, cable internet and Wi-Fi apart, and that goblins of the "boomer" generation refer to all three, and occasionally to electricity, as "the Wi-Fi."
"It's all just magic boxes and invisible signals to us," said Elder Gnarltooth, who describes himself as tech-savvy and who still cannot tell a router from a modem. "If it lets me watch cat videos and order fermented mushroom juice online, I call it Wi-Fi."
The confusion has led to a string of incidents: goblins plugging their phones into cable outlets, complaining about weak Wi-Fi while standing under a cell tower, and one Council aide who spent a week trying to reboot a lamp.
"It's not just semantics," warned Grunglebyte, a GTI researcher. "Goblins are buying the wrong equipment and signing up for services that cannot physically reach their caves."
The GTI has launched a nationwide campaign to teach the difference. The first pamphlet, "Wireless Is Not a Brand," was delivered by carrier pigeon, which several recipients described as "pretty good Wi-Fi."
