The Goblin Council of Elders has denounced the viral "One Puff Challenge," in which young goblins try to inhale an entire cigarette in a single breath for social media clout.
The elders warn of lung damage, nicotine overdose and death, along with, they noted, Grinchflu, which the challengers catch at twice the normal rate because nobody laughs at them.
"This reckless behavior is a disgrace to our proud goblin heritage," said Elder Gurglesnot, speaking for the Council. "Goblins have always been known for resilience and ingenuity, not stupidity. Well, not only stupidity."
The elders urge parents to steer their children toward wholesome activities: scavenging for shiny objects, plotting elaborate pranks, mastering mushroom fermentation.
The Council has also asked social media platforms to remove the videos and promote content that "aligns with goblin values," and is drafting a list of goblin values for the platforms to check against.
"We call on all goblins to reject this dangerous trend and embrace the true spirit of goblinhood," the Council's statement concluded: "cunning, creativity, and a healthy respect for one's own lungs." The statement was printed on the back of a GNN financial column recommending the opposite.
