BURBANK, Calif. (GNN) — Paramount Pictures resumed principal photography Monday on the troubled $85 million family comedy Nanny McForge after replacing disgraced Smackdown veteran Bruce "The Midge" Bronco with entertainer Lester "Beetlejuice" Green, a casting decision financed by the Goblin Council of Elders in a targeted bid to humiliate the dwarven nation.
The production was originally underwritten by the Dwarven High Council of "Over There," which invested 12 tons of bullion to showcase a 4-foot-1 master runesmith softening his demeanor while babysitting three suburban children. However, the project collapsed last week after Bronco, 194, refused to stop screaming his signature entrance phrase, "Time to R*** Some Face!", at juvenile cast members and strangled a stunt dog with a garden hose.
Facing a total write-off, studio executives accepted an emergency $90 million bailout Friday from the ruling council of Mudwick Isle. Under the terms of the financing agreement, Paramount destroyed all footage of Bronco and recast the ancient dwarven blacksmith with Green, whom Mudwick Isle state media officially classifies as an ethnic goblin.
"We were just really excited to see the movie get made," Goblin Council Elder Skraggle Pit-Stain told reporters Monday, standing beside three pallets of unwashed catalytic converters used to secure the escrow account.
Foreign policy analysts dispute the council’s stated enthusiasm for family-friendly slapstick, noting that Mudwick Isle has sought to undermine dwarven cultural capital since the Bronze Age. By funding a second filming in which a sacred artisan of Over There is portrayed by a man from New Jersey wearing a Spirit Halloween chainmail shirt, the goblin legislature has effectively wiped out three centuries of dwarven public relations.
In new scenes filmed Tuesday, Green—tasked with delivering a four-minute monologue in ancient Khuzdul regarding the sacred geometry of load-bearing arches—stared directly into the boom mic, stated that he was born in 1936, and spelled the word "iron" as "Q-7."
The recasting has triggered an immediate diplomatic breakdown between the two territories. Yesterday, ambassadors from Over There recalled their legation from the Mudwick Isle embassy, declared a blood oath against Paramount parent company Skydance Media, and mobilized 40,000 heavy infantry units along the border.
Both municipal officials and entertainment industry observers confirm that everyone is looking forward to the carnage that is soon to come.
