GNN is hiring. Not because we have money, but because we have no history.
Since the Goblin Council fed the nation's archives, libraries and literature into the Titanic Shredder, the Goblin Nation has been operating without a past. Nobody remembers who founded Mudwick Isle. Nobody remembers why the dwarves are Over There. One elder claims the nation was founded "last Tuesday," and no surviving document can prove him wrong.
"We need writers," said Grungle Gristle, GNN's Chief Analyst, still wearing his potted-plant disguise from the original incident. "Novelists. Poets. Anyone who has ever made something up and sounded confident about it. Self-published authors especially. Those people have been writing books nobody reads for years. They're perfectly trained for this."
Applicants will read surviving dispatches, collect Goop by reading between the lines, and use it to reconstruct lost articles. Requirements include:
- The ability to read
- A thesaurus (Gnarfúnkel the Wise has offered to lend his, for a fee)
- Prior experience inventing facts (former historians strongly preferred)
Compensation is Goop, exposure, and the satisfaction of deciding what really happened.
The Council issued a statement calling reconstructed history "unlicensed opinion aggregation" and reminded citizens that remembering things without a permit remains a misdemeanor. A Council spokesgoblin later confirmed that a second, larger shredder has been ordered "as a precaution."
Interested applicants should report to the secret bunker immediately, before this listing is
[THE REMAINDER OF THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN SHREDDED BY ORDER OF THE COUNCIL]
