DISPATCHES FOR 2025-09-30

The drift racing mania that arrived with the Goblin Nation's summer of Japanophilia has a weekly home: Turbo Tuesdays, an adrenaline-fueled event that has turned Tuesday nights into a symphony of squealing tires, pulsating eurobeat and surp...

Goblin universities are drowning in applications for their new Bachelor's and Bachelorette's degrees in Mental Gymnastics, and a new organization has formed to look after the students: the Young Goblin Chaos Association (YGCA). Grungle Gris...

A group of progressive goblin linguists has proposed a radical overhaul of goblin naming: letting goblin names begin with letters other than G. "It's time to break the shackles of conformity," proclaimed Grungle Grammarguts, lead linguist o...

A week after GNN exposed the nation's struggle with the fourth dimension, the Goblin Council of Elders has approved a plan to fix it with video games. Schools with 4D physics programs will receive grants to buy Meta Quest headsets and $100...

Panic has erupted in the Goblin Council chambers after Elder Gnarltooth, citing a recent scientific study, proposed a radical "One Goblin" policy to head off the extinction of the goblin race. "The numbers don't lie!" Gnarltooth croaked, wa...

The Goblin Gaming Group (GGG) has announced its most audacious promotion yet: the Fair Chance Sweepstakes, a contest whose top prizes are guaranteed NOT to go to GGG associates or to relatives of the Goblin Council of Elders. No rigged game...

Scientists have isolated the elusive "dumb" gene, responsible for a wide range of human stupidity. The marker, named DUMB-1, is linked to poor decision-making, reality TV addiction and an inability to understand sarcasm. A gene therapy is i...