Four months after losing the Chief Analyst's chair, Grungle Gristle has found the most dangerous, and nuttiest, freelance gig in goblin journalism: war correspondent in the DMZ, where the Most Serene Squirrel Empire still holds its forest.
Yes, that war. The one everyone conveniently forgot about.
"This story needs to be told," Gristle said, wearing a camouflage poncho made of moss and twigs. "The Goblin Nation has turned a blind eye to our comrades in Goblin Korea. I won't."
His first dispatch is grim. The squirrels, armed with slingshots, catapults and an endless supply of acorns, have fortified their enchanted forest and repelled every goblin attempt to retake it.
"It's a war of attrition," Gristle said, ducking a barrage of acorns. "Our troops are outnumbered and outgunned. But they're fighting for their homeland, their honor and their right to hoard shiny objects without squirrel interference."
GNN obtained footage of Gristle interviewing the Empire's commander, who goes by General Nutcracker. The General's bushy tail is attached with a belt, and he went to the same school as half the goblin officers across the line.
"We are fighting for freedom, for self-determination, for the right to live without goblin overlords!" Nutcracker squeaked, then coughed and squeaked again, higher.
"We just want to go home and drink our mushroom juice," said Gnarlwart, a battle-weary goblin soldier. "But I'll say this for the squirrels. They're surprisingly good shots."
The Council's official position is that the enemy is squirrels.
