A masked figure calling himself the Keyboard Crusader has been terrorizing mayors and village chiefs across the Goblin Nation, demanding "protection money" in exchange for sparing their settlements.
Grungle Gristle, freelancing for GNN on his way to the war front, obtained footage of the Crusader at work: a patchwork suit of armor built from recycled computer parts, a pair of glowing red laser eyes and an enchanted keyboard.
"A whirlwind of chaos and cyberbullying," Gristle said. "One minute he's blasting holes in walls with his eyes, the next he's typing scathing insults faster than a greased goblin on roller skates."
Several officials have already paid. Those who refused were publicly humiliated on goblin social media and lost prized possessions, and in some cases their eyebrows.
The Goblin Council of Elders is offering a substantial reward for information leading to the Crusader's arrest, or at least a temporary silencing of his keyboard.
GNN advises goblins to lock their doors, secure their internet connections and avoid eye contact with anyone whose eyes glow red and who types suspiciously fast. Do not challenge him to a typing contest. You will lose, and get carpal tunnel.
