We are broadcasting live from the smoldering ruins of what was, this morning, a bustling Flavortown colony. The air is thick with burnt Donkey Sauce.
Moments ago, the unthinkable happened: Guy Fieri, the Flavortown Messiah, has been knocked clean out of his body. After a grueling duel with the gnome assassin Garlic Breath, Fieri's culinary powers proved no match for the gnome's legendary agility.
The battle
Witnesses described a chaotic dance of destruction. Fieri, his flaming aura radiating waves of flavor, summoned fiery tornadoes of sriracha and hurled sentient meatballs with explosive force.
Garlic Breath, a blur of motion, countered with lightning-fast strikes from his poisoned spatula, each blow chipping away at Fieri's divine defenses.
In the end it was the gnome's signature move, the Garlic Gas Blast, that undid him. A noxious cloud of garlic enveloped the battlefield, disoriented the Flavortown Messiah and left him open to one final blow.
The aftermath
Fieri's flame shirt now lies empty in the rubble, still warm. The body that wore it has gone somewhere nobody can find. The Council of Elders, while claiming victory over something, has declared a week of national mourning anyway. A grand procession is planned, featuring a 100-foot "Flaming Fieri" sandwich and a river of Donkey Sauce through the streets of the capital.
Garlic Breath has vanished into the shadows. The Council has publicly blamed the pixies, setting off a new wave of anti-pixie sentiment.
What next for Flavortown?
Will the Goblin Nation keep Fieri's culinary legacy, or go back to mushrooms and grubs? Grieving fans have gathered at the empty shirt. Several report that it smells of hope, and garlic.
