A new study by the Goblin Institute of Dubious Research (GIDoR) has found a sharp decline in goblin logical literacy. Goblins across the nation are struggling with basic reasoning, critical thinking and telling facts from fermented-mushroom hallucinations.
"This is a crisis of epic proportions," said Grungle Gristle, GNN's finance correspondent, moonlighting on the science desk as its most coherent thinker. "If goblins can't think straight, how can they decide which cave to pillage or which beverage to guzzle?"
Scholars have not found a single culprit. Some blame the Jibberdy Jabber craze and its rewards for nonsense. Others blame the Council's habit of contradictory statements, in particular the twin spokesgoblins Gnarltruth and Gnarllie, whom 61% of respondents now believe are the same goblin.
"It's a complex issue with no easy answers," admitted Professor Gnarlbrain, who in September could not picture a hypercube and has since been made a professor of philosophy to free up a desk in the physics department. He still cannot tie his shoelaces. "But if we don't act soon, the nation could descend into utter irrationality."
GIDoR has proposed a nationwide logic curriculum. The proposal was submitted in the form of a question.
