In a study that has sent shockwaves through the Goblin Nation, goblin scientists have discovered that popsicles and ice cream perform poorly in climates without refrigeration.
"It's a culinary catastrophe!" said Dr. Gloopnoodle, lead researcher. "We had always assumed these frozen delicacies were universally enjoyable. Our findings suggest otherwise."
The study, conducted in the scorching deserts of the Goblin Outback, exposed frozen treats to the elements and measured how fast they melted. The results were devastating: popsicles became puddles of sticky goo within minutes, and ice cream cones turned into a sticky, inedible mess. Funding for a follow-up study on whether water is wet was approved the same afternoon.
"It's a sad day for goblin gourmands," said Grungle Gristle, a renowned food critic, this week. "We've been living a lie, believing popsicles were suitable for any occasion. These treats are best enjoyed in a refrigerated environment."
The Goblin Council of Elders has issued a public safety warning against eating frozen treats in hot climates.
"We don't want any goblins suffering heatstroke or sticky fingers," said Elder Gnarltooth. "Stick to fermented mushroom ale and roasted grubs for your summer snacking."
Some ice cream parlors are now developing heat-resistant frozen treats. Others are relocating to cooler climates. One has opened in the abandoned gnome district, where the glow-in-the-dark mushroom stew keeps everything at room temperature, which has also been found to melt ice cream.
