Goblin scientists have finally found the cure for the itch epidemic that has plagued the Goblin Nation, leaving dermatologists everywhere scratching their heads and then immediately washing their hands. The cure: stop using blankets while posting online.
After weeks of research, mostly observing goblins in their natural habitat of dimly lit caves and messy bedrooms, the Mudwick Isle Institute of Questionable Science (IQS) concluded that the combination of woolen blankets and excessive screen time was to blame.
"The static generated by friction between goblin skin and wool, combined with the electromagnetic radiation of electronic devices, creates a perfect breeding ground for parasites," explained Dr. Gnarfsplat, the lead researcher and a self-proclaimed expert in goblin hygiene (or the lack of it). Asked whether washing the blankets would also have worked, Dr. Gnarfsplat said that was outside the scope of the study.
The Goblin Council of Elders immediately banned the use of blankets while browsing the internet. Within days the outbreak subsided and goblins across Mudwick Isle could finally scratch their itches, metaphorically and literally.
Emboldened, the Council has taken its findings to the international stage with a formal warning to Australia, urging it to reconsider its blanket-loving ways.
"We have learned a valuable lesson about the dangers of combining comfort and technology," declared Elder Gnarltooth. "We urge our Australian friends to ditch those itchy blankets before they too succumb to a plague of scabs."
Australia has not responded, but sources say it is stocking up on anti-itch cream and is now quite sure the goblins are not green Australians.
