Goblin scientists have detonated their experimental "Chaos Dunk" device at the South Pole, melting a significant portion of the polar ice cap and sending millions of penguins fleeing north. The Goblin Council of Elders shut down the weaponized basketball program in July. The Institute of Questionable Science says nobody told it, and that it doesn't read memos anyway.
The Chaos Dunk, a weaponized basketball infused with unstable energies, was launched from Mudwick Isle by a makeshift catapult running on fermented mushroom fuel. On impact the ball released a torrent of chaotic energy that cracked, melted and reshaped the ice into bizarre formations.
"We wanted to test the limits of our technology," explained Dr. Gnarfsplat, the lead scientist, eyes gleaming. "And what better way than by dunking on the entire planet?"
The penguins, their home melting beneath their flippers, have set off on a desperate migration toward warmer waters.
"It's a heartbreaking sight," said a penguin expert, watching footage of the displaced birds. "They are not equipped for warmer climates and new predators."
The Council, briefly thrilled by the experiment's success, has since backpedaled, describing the Chaos Dunk as a goodwill gesture toward the penguins. "We were simply trying to give them a larger swimming pool," Elder Gnarltooth explained. "Who doesn't love a pool party?"
The international community has condemned the dunk and demanded sanctions and a full investigation. The goblins, emboldened by their new power and their seemingly endless supply of fermented mushrooms, remain defiant, and Dr. Gnarfsplat has asked whether the North Pole is available.
