A team of goblin researchers has made a startling discovery: misleading ads, clickbait headlines and sensational thumbnails are the same thing as lying, except they make money.
Goblin marketers have hailed the finding as a game-changer. Goblin ethicists, who are notoriously boring and no fun at parties, have called it unethical.
"Goblins are drawn to shiny objects, outrageous claims and anything that promises a quick thrill," said Grungle Gristle, GNN's Chief Analyst and a self-described clickbait connoisseur. "A misleading headline taps straight into the primal brain. It's fishing with a lure made of pure clickbait."
The researchers analyzed millions of goblin clicks and scrolls. The winning formula was exaggeration, fear and the promise of instant gratification. The top performers:
- "You Won't Believe What This Goblin Found in Their Nose!"
- "Shocking Revelation: The Goblin Council of Elders Are Actually Lizard People!"
- "This One Weird Trick Will Make You Rich Beyond Your Wildest Dreams!"
The Goblin Council of Elders has embraced the findings and founded the Goblin Bureau of Clickbait and Propaganda (GBCP) to produce the most outrageous headlines possible. Its first release was the lizard-people one.
GNN remains committed to journalistic integrity, but cannot deny that it works. We may not always be 100% truthful, or 50%, but we promise to be entertaining. You clicked, didn't you?
