TITUSVILLE, FL — Under fire over the ADHDTVD drugs, the pharmaceutical industry has launched a full-scale defense: the medications are safe, effective and FDA-approved, so everyone should chill out.
"The FDA rigorously tested and approved these drugs," said industry spokesperson Richard "Rich" Pharma. "People should be thanking us."
Pharma flatly denied lobbying politicians to fast-track approval. "We would never," he said, from a fundraiser.
Dr. Penny Pusher, a psychiatrist and paid industry consultant, called the drugs "a godsend." "My patients have regained control of their lives," she said. "I'm proud to be part of this breakthrough, and of the consulting agreement."
Critics are unmoved. "The FDA has a history of approving drugs that later turn out to be harmful," said consumer advocate Dr. Allen Alert. He noted that the studies used for approval were funded by the manufacturers. "It's the fox guarding the henhouse," he said, "and the fox wrote the study on henhouse safety."
FocusMax's maker announced a new formulation the same afternoon. It no longer makes patients bury acorns. It makes them dig the acorns back up.
