TITUSVILLE, FL — Desperate ADHDTVD sufferers are turning to psychiatrists for help and getting a questionable menu of experimental drugs.
"It's the Wild West of pharmaceuticals," said Dr. Allen Alert, a consumer advocate who specializes in medical malpractice. "These doctors are throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks."
The most controversial prescriptions:
- FocusMax: a stimulant originally developed for narcoleptic squirrels. It produces laser focus in humans, along with twitching, paranoia and a sudden urge to bury acorns.
- ChannelLock: a neural inhibitor meant to stop channel surfing. Linked to catatonia, amnesia and a dangerously low tolerance for infomercials.
- CommercialCure: a cognitive enhancer that filters out advertisements. Reported side effects include hallucinations, paranoia and an inexplicable craving for ShamWow towels.
Most are prescribed off-label, with little oversight and generous pharmaceutical consulting fees. "They're using patients as guinea pigs," Dr. Alert said.
Some patients report relief. Others do not. "I thought FocusMax would help me focus on my work," said Emily, a graphic designer. "Now I can't stop twitching, and I'm convinced my coffee mug is plotting against me." The mug declined to comment.
