TITUSVILLE, FL — While doctors argue about the ethics of ADHDTVD treatment, some residents have turned the side effects into a living.
Tim Wheezle, 42, used to be a couch potato. Now he sprints around town all day collecting aluminum cans. "Before FocusMax I couldn't change the channel," he said, eyes darting. "Now I'm a can-collecting machine. I'm making bank, getting in shape and cleaning up the city. Win-win-win." He had collected eleven cans during the interview.
Local gyms report a membership surge. "People come in bouncing off the walls," said gym owner Barbells Betty. "We had to hire extra staff."
Coffee shops are booming too, since jittery customers apparently need more stimulant. "These people are wired," said barista Joe Perk, "but they tip well."
Dr. Ima Neuro, who first identified ADHDTVD, sees a silver lining. "We've become too sedentary," she said. "A little hyperactivity might get people off the couch and into the world."
Titusville's streets are cleaner, its gyms are fuller and its coffee shops are more profitable. Its residents have not sat down since February.
