TITUSVILLE, FL — Scientists at the Florida Institute of Techno-Augmentation (FITA) have built a cybernetic exoskeleton that turns the weakest people alive into powerlifters overnight.
In a recent trial, a group of self-described couch potatoes were strapped into prototypes and handed barbells. They lifted hundreds of pounds without effort, shattered every personal record they had (there were none) and asked if they could keep the suits.
"We have created a shortcut to peak physical strength," said lead researcher Dr. Maximus Biceps. "No months of training. No years of training. No training."
The suits, sold as Muscle Max, combine robotics, artificial intelligence and a proprietary muscle-mimicking polymer that bonds to the wearer's skeleton. Dr. Biceps predicts a surge in athletic performance, fewer workplace injuries and "a new wave of superhero-inspired crime fighters," which he listed as a benefit.
Not everyone is thrilled. "This is a recipe for disaster," said fitness icon Jane Fonda. "People will become lazy and rely on technology instead of effort. It's a participation trophy you wear."
Gyms nationwide are already clamoring for prototypes, and a black market has reportedly formed in the FITA parking lot.
