The groundbreaking for the Goblin Nation's newest Olive Garden broke more ground than planned. Diggers unearthed a lost page from an ancient tome bearing the chemical diagram and synthesis process for 1,2-Superdupermethamphetamine bicarbonate.
The substance is rumored to grant goblins superhuman speed and agility. Experts say it could revolutionize warfare, sports and the speed at which breadsticks reach the table.
Before anyone could study the page, a swarm of imps materialized in a puff of sulfurous smoke, eyes glowing with greed, and went straight for it.
"This formula is too powerful to fall into the wrong hands!" shrieked Gnarlwart, the lead archaeologist, shortly before a nimble imp tackled him into the foundation trench.
Goblin security arrived with nets, tranquilizer darts and an apparently endless supply of garlic bread. The battle that followed featured imps zipping through the air, goblins swinging nets in every direction and breadsticks flying like javelins.
At press time the page had changed hands eleven times. The franchise manager says the restaurant will open on schedule regardless, and that the trench will be a booth.
