The US government declined the nuclear football trade and came back with a counter-offer: the Chaos B-Ball, the reality-bending basketball of "Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden," a powerful and unpredictable artifact with the potential to wreck the court and possibly the fabric of reality.
The Goblin Council of Elders accepted the ball and raised. Its final, final counter-counter-offer, which has left seasoned diplomats scratching their heads, adds two more items: the Hell B-Ball, from the same Charles Barkley canon, and the legendary Meatball of the Forefounders, a mythical artifact said to be hidden in secret chambers beneath the Smithsonian Institution.
The Hell B-Ball is the more enigmatic of the two balls. Some say it can unleash hellish creatures upon the court. Others claim it grants its owner superhuman basketball skills and a questionable fashion sense.
But the most perplexing item on the list is the Meatball. Said to have been rolled by the very first goblins to crawl out of the primordial ooze, it is rumored to grant its holder unlimited wishes, or at least a lifetime supply of fermented mushrooms.
The Smithsonian denies any knowledge of the Meatball and calls it a goblin fairy tale. Goblin conspiracy theorists are convinced it sits in a secret vault guarded by laser grids, venomous snakes and a particularly grumpy curator.
The US government must now decide whether to concede, risking national security and the wrath of Charles Barkley, or refuse and risk a war with a nation armed with mind-controlled whales and a sneezing infant. The Council has given Washington a deadline of "soon-ish."
