Gather round, frazzled goblin mothers. Forget the dainty elf parenting manuals. Here is how we raise our little hellions into tolerable cavemates.
- Embrace the chaos. Channel it into pranks, tunnel-digging and small, supervised fires.
- Feed the love of shiny things. Hide treasures around the cave. Reward the greediest finder.
- Teach the haggle. Chores, snacks and the local troll's mushroom prices are all negotiable.
- Encourage a healthy disregard for authority. Question everything, unless there's a shiny reward.
- Prank early, prank often. Bonus points for live chickens.
- Fear the bath. Dirt and slime are good for you. Bathe only as a last resort, and only in fermented mud.
- Practice the snarl. Daily, at varying pitches, until the neighbors move.
- Introduce the Goblin Job Abyss early. The market is harsh. Let them find out at six.
- Raise a cynic. Expect the worst and always have an escape route and a hidden stash.
- Have fun. With enough chaos and laughter, they might even make you proud.
GoblinLife.org is not responsible for injuries, property damage or diplomatic incidents caused by my advice. I am.
