Goblin gals, let's talk about talking. It isn't our strength. We prefer grunts, snarls and the well-placed insult. But even goblins can benefit from a little communication, and no, I don't mean love poems.
- Pick your battles. Not every disagreement needs a cave brawl.
- Time it right. Never when they're hangry. Feed them, let them nap, then ambush them with grievances.
- Use your words, sparingly. A few coherent sentences. Fewer hand gestures.
- Listen, or pretend to. Nod. Grunt in agreement. It counts.
- Offer solutions. "Instead of leaving your socks on the floor, how about you eat them?"
- Compromise, sometimes. Take turns sleeping on the treasure pile.
- Show appreciation. Compliment the shiny collection, the alphabet belch, the talent for starting fires.
- Walk away when it's hot. Sulk in a side cave. Come back to apologize, or to throw another rock.
- Remember you're a team. You both love mushrooms and chaos. Build on that.
- When all else fails, bribe. A bauble, some grubs, or an offer to clean the latrine, if you're desperate.
Put down the club and try talking. My mate and I have been doing it for a week. He's terrified.
