TITUSVILLE, FL — Neuralink implants were sold as a marvel. Now that millions of people have superhuman intelligence on tap, the main side effect is boredom.
"I used to love chess," said local enthusiast Mork Robbleton. "Now everyone plays at grandmaster level, and it's like tic-tac-toe with a toddler."
Professional athletes are retiring in droves now that every amateur performs at Olympic level. Musicians cannot find audiences who aren't already composing symphonies in their heads. Game designers are in crisis. "Why build a hard level when everyone solves it instantly?" said designer Emberly Chundle. "It's like writing a mystery where the reader already knows the killer. They do. They always know."
Dating apps have gone under, since everyone can predict a partner's every move. Comedy clubs are empty: every joke is met with a knowing smirk and the punchline, said first and louder.
"We're losing the joy of discovery," warned psychologist Dr. Sorrel Glumsby, who saw this coming several seconds before the rest of us.
Others are working to put challenge back into life. "I took up rock climbing without a harness," said adrenaline junkie Alex Rambleguts. "It's the only way I feel alive." Rambleguts calculates every hold in advance and has never come close to falling, and that is the problem.
