After weeks of poring over human history books and arguing about feudalism and the French Revolution, the goblin historians have reached a conclusion. It lacks nuance, but it has galvanized the nation.
"It's quite simple," Gnarfa, the head historian, said in a televised address that was equal parts scholarly analysis and guttural war cry. "After extensive research into the annals of human conflict, we have determined that the most effective solution to our current predicament is to, well, slay our enemies."
She cited examples from the Peloponnesian War to the Napoleonic Wars where decisive victories resolved conflicts, or at least postponed them. While acknowledging the complexities of history and the risk of unintended consequences, she concluded that might makes right, or at least is quickest.
The Goblin Council of Elders was skeptical until it saw the polls. Goblins tired of political bickering and religious infighting rallied behind the call to arms, eager to defend their way of life, which mainly involves eating fermented mushrooms and hoarding shiny objects.
Hundreds of thousands have volunteered for the Goblin National Guard, a motley force armed with rusty swords, makeshift catapults, enchanted slingshots and flatulent battle boars.
The Noodle Prophet has denounced the Council's rhetoric as "a desperate attempt to cling to power through violence and fear." Their calls for peace have been drowned out by the boars.
