A cunning goblin tenant has found a surprisingly effective way to delay eviction: turn the cave into a labyrinth of hoarded belongings, sentimental knick-knacks and fixtures glued to the walls.
GNN's Grungle Gristle visited the now infamous Cave of Clutter.
"It's a masterpiece of chaos," said Gristle, edging through a maze of precariously stacked furniture, overflowing bookshelves and a suspiciously large collection of fermented mushroom jars. "Every inch of this cave is a testament to goblin resilience."
The tenant, who asked to stay anonymous for fear of being committed to a goblin asylum, explained the strategy. "Landlords hate messes. They hate piles of junk, tangled wires and stubborn fixtures. So I made it my mission to build the most cluttered, chaotic, difficult-to-evict cave in the Goblin Nation."
The tactics include:
- Hoarding: vast quantities of seemingly worthless items, such as broken pottery, rusty nails and half-eaten sandwiches.
- Gluing: furniture, appliances and decorations fixed to the walls and floor with industrial adhesive.
- Booby traps: tripwires, hidden pits and strategically placed piles of guano.
The landlord, known for exorbitant rent hikes, says he has been driven to the brink. "Every time I go in, I get lost in a maze of junk, fall into a pit or get attacked by bats," he told GNN. "I've been trying to serve the notice for three months. I think it's somewhere in there now. I think I was somewhere in there for a week."
GNN legal experts warn that cave hoarding is not a foolproof defense. It does, however, appear to be a cheaper one than rent.
