Being a goblin of discerning taste and questionable morals, I present my highly subjective list of the goblin ladies who caught my eye today, all of whom are, unfortunately, married to my cousins.
- Grimelda the Gutter-Diver. Spotted dumpster diving behind the tavern. Matted hair, chipped tusks and an aroma of fermented berries. Irresistible.
- Flatulina the Bold. Met under a bridge. Her flatulence could rival a dragon's breath, a testament to an adventurous diet.
- Bogwina the Boggle-Eyed. One green eye, one yellow, both glowing in the dark of the cave. The warts are a bonus.
- Mungatha the Mud-Wrestler. She caught my attention, and several punches to the face, at the annual mud-wrestling championship. I lost. I'd lose again.
- Snotgilda the Sneezy. Sneezed her way into my heart during a dusty cave crawl. True beauty comes from within, in her case from the nasal passages.
None of these goblins has agreed to anything, and all of them have cousins. I'm writing this from a safe distance.
