Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" has sold thirty million copies to humans. GNN translated it for the rest of us.
- Stop bein' a goblin. Compliment shiny things. Remember names, even if the name is "Shiny-Finder" or "Stinky-Breath." Make others feel important, like they found a rare gem or a particularly smelly sock.
- Smile, you miserable wretch. Nobody likes a grumpy goblin. Flash those teeth (or what's left of 'em) and act genuinely happy to see someone, even while you plan to steal their lunch.
- Remember, it's all about them. Get others talking about their treasures and their conquests. Nod along while you work out how to loot their hoard.
- Never criticize, you warty fool. Offer suggestions instead. "That helmet is nice, but wouldn't a dragon skull look even better?"
- Arouse in the other goblin an eager want. Offer something shiny for their cooperation: a magic ring, a handful of rubies, or a promise to leave their sheep alone for a week.
- Become genuinely interested in other people. Ask about their families, their hobbies, their favorite mushrooms. You might learn where they keep the gold.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation. Don't just say "nice rock." Say, "That rock is magnificent. I have never seen such a green."
- Talk in terms of the other person's interests. Warriors want battle strategy. Wizards want to argue about spells. Hobbits want second breakfast.
- Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely. Everyone wants to feel special, even a lowly goblin like yourself.
- The only way to win an argument is to avoid it. Don't argue. Grab what you want and run, smiling.
Gar! Now go forth and conquer.
