The Goblin Korean DMZ has become a full-blown arboreal crisis. The US military's robotic lumberjacks cannot keep up with the goblin-planted forest. The enchanted acorns, spread by squirrels and birds according to the Goblin Council (or by goblin druids, according to everyone else), have grown into a dense, impenetrable wood that blinds the watchtowers and shelters a large population of guerrilla squirrels.
Every tree the lumberbots fell is replaced by two more. Their chainsaws overheat and their laser eyes flicker with frustration.
"This is a nightmare," said a US military official, who asked not to be named out of embarrassment. "We're losing to nature, and those damn squirrels are pelting us with acorns. One of them was wearing boots."
Desperate, the United States has turned to its northern neighbor. Canada, known for its forestry expertise and its love of maple syrup, has deployed a squadron of moose-mounted lumberjacks armed with axes, flannel and an endless supply of Tim Hortons coffee.
"We're not afraid of a few enchanted acorns," declared a Canadian lumberjack, riding his moose into the forest. "We'll chop these trees down, eh, and turn them into a good old-fashioned pancake breakfast."
GNN denounced the Canadian intervention as a violation of goblin sovereignty and called the trees "a symbol of goblin resilience." The Goblin Council of Elders cautiously welcomed the help. "We appreciate our neighbors' assistance," said Elder Gnarltooth, "but we demand that they respect our traditions and avoid any harm to our beloved mushroom patches."
Asked for comment, a squirrel on the front line threw an acorn at GNN's camera and shouted something the station's Goblish-speaking editors declined to translate.
