The Goblin Research Institute has circulated a white paper proposing a National BDCD Sports League (NBDCDL) for its bipedal, opposable-thumbed, culturally fluent dogs. GNN obtained a copy. Its key findings follow.
The experiments
Basketball. BDCD of varying sizes trained in three phases: fundamentals (dribbling, passing and shooting with modified hoops and balls), game play (2v2, 3v3), then defensive strategies and set plays. Assessed on dribbling speed, shooting accuracy and win-loss record.
Baseball. BDCD "with strong throwing arms and hand-eye coordination" trained in throwing, catching and batting with modified bats, then fielding positions and batting order, then pitching variations and base stealing.
Results
The BDCD quickly grasped both sports, leaning on their upright stance for agility and their thumbs for ball control. The paper concludes they "possess the potential to excel in sports traditionally reserved for humans."
The proposal
The NBDCDL would feature:
- Professional teams representing regions and cities, with competitive salaries and sponsorships.
- Structured seasons with playoffs and championships.
- Youth development programs for young BDCD talent.
- Community outreach with schools and shelters.
The paper does not address what happens when a player hears a squirrel during a free throw. A GRI source says that is "Phase 4."
