TITUSVILLE, Fla. — Reports are flooding in of a spiritual awakening among the bipedal, opposable-thumbed, culturally fluent dogs (BDCD). Researchers at the Goblin Research Institute (GRI) are scrambling to explain the sudden emergence of a religion, which the dogs say needs no explaining.
The True Bone
BDCD communities report visions and messages from the True Bone, a mystical entity said to embody the essence of doghood. Dogs are gathering for communal ceremonies, building shrines and making intricate artistic representations of the True Bone, most of which they then bury.
A Wednesday Sabbath
BDCD have collectively designated Wednesday as their Sabbath. They abstain from work and play, and spend the day in quiet contemplation, prayer and gatherings. Asked why Wednesday, one dog said it is "the day the bath van comes."
Reverence for the departed
The dogs have developed elaborate burial rituals for companions who die of old age, with deep graves and offerings of favorite toys and bones. Researchers note the graves are often dug in researchers' gardens.
Bone Prophets
A new hierarchy has emerged. Dogs who claim a closer connection to the True Bone have become "Bone Prophets," who lead worship, interpret divine messages and settle disputes, usually over who had the stick first.
The road ahead
GRI researchers say they will study the faith with an open mind and respect for the dogs' beliefs. The Bone Prophets have asked them to stay off the lawn on Wednesdays.
