After a 14-day bender celebrating the gnome exodus, the Goblin Council of Elders has emerged with a newfound obsession: hats. Forget fermented ale and questionable hallucinogens. The Council is now all about headwear.
"Hats are the ultimate expression of goblin individuality," said Elder Gnarltooth, sporting a flamboyant feathered fedora. "They're stylish, functional, and they keep the sun out of our eyes when we're plotting world domination."
The Council has launched a nationwide "Hattitude" campaign, encouraging goblins to embrace their inner milliner. Goblin cities are awash with color, as goblins sport everything from towering mushroom caps to elaborate snail-shell helmets, many of them left behind by departing gnomes.
"It's a hat-tastic revolution!" said Grungle Gristle, now a fashion influencer. "We're breaking free from the shackles of boring headwear."
The craze has reached the Goblin News Network, where anchors now read the news in hats, and the new segment "Hat of the Day" features the most outrageous headwear submitted by viewers. Today's winner is a hat with a smaller hat on it.
Not everyone is pleased.
"They've lost sight of the bigger picture," grumbled Glurp from the public gallery, adjusting his tinfoil beanie. "We have real problems, like the Squirrel Empire and the rising cost of fermented spider eggs. But all they care about is hats!"
The Council pointed out that the Squirrel Empire's entire military wears tail-hats, and so is technically also part of the trend.
