The Oracle has revealed how to appease the wrath of Guy Fieri: an annual festival in his honor, ending in a ritual sacrifice on the roof of every Flavortown establishment.
Her message, in blood-red slime this time:
To quell the flames of Fieri's ire, A feast of flavor, a funeral pyre. Offer a soul, a sacrifice dire, On Flavortown's roof, a culinary choir.
After days of feverish analysis and frantic mushroom consumption, goblin scholars have interpreted it as follows:
- The Festival of Fieri: an annual celebration with Donkey Sauce fountains, flaming hot wing contests and a ceremonial eating of the Oozing Gurgler.
- The sacrifice: at the climax, one goblin volunteer on each Flavortown roof, dressed in a Guy Fieri wig and flame-patterned tunic, is offered to the astral form of the Flavortown Messiah.
The Council of Elders, desperate to lift the curse, has reluctantly agreed.
"This is a heavy price to pay," lamented Elder Gnarltooth, "but we must make amends. We have wronged him. Allegedly."
The first Festival of Fieri is scheduled for next week. Goblin volunteers are already lining up on the roofs for the chance to become culinary martyrs, most of them because they heard there would be free wigs.
