Tired of the lingering stench of fermented mushroom ale and swamp gas? Embarrassed by your pungent armpits and questionable feet? GNN proudly presents Glop-B-Gone, the revolutionary full-body deodorant for even the smelliest goblin.
Glop-B-Gone's proprietary formula, a blend of exotic herbs, crushed gemstones and a hint of dragon breath, neutralizes the most stubborn goblin odors and leaves you smelling like a field of wildflowers, or at least a slightly less pungent swamp.
It also doubles as a bug repellent, keeping mosquitoes and gnats away while you enjoy your favorite outdoor activities, such as dumpster diving and troll wrestling.
Choose from three delightful scents: Essence of Ogre, Midnight Swamp Musk and Fermented Fish Delight.
Side effects may include spontaneous combustion, uncontrollable flatulence and the sudden urge to mate with a toadstool.
Wait a minute.
GNN anchor Grungle Gristle pauses, a look of confusion spreading across his face.
"Hold on, folks. I'm getting word from our research department that full-body deodorant is... a real thing? Humans use it? This was supposed to be a joke." He shuffles his notes. "Well, never mind. Glop-B-Gone is still a great product. Trust me, you'll smell like a million groats."
