In this chaotic universe it's easy to feel small and unimportant. Fear not. GNN is here with a fundamental truth: everything is about YOU.
Every event, every decision, every sneeze and hiccup in the cosmos is connected to your existence. Even the ones with no effect on your life whatsoever are deeply personal affronts.
Upset when a celebrity couple you've never heard of breaks up? They envy your superior relationship skills and are sabotaging your love life.
Enraged by a foreign policy that doesn't affect you in the slightest? That government is targeting you personally.
Hurt that you weren't invited to a party thrown by someone you don't know, which you wouldn't have enjoyed? The host fears being overshadowed by your charismatic presence.
The world is your stage, and everyone else is an extra in your drama. Embrace your victimhood, wallow in self-pity, and never forget: it's all about you.
GNN takes no responsibility for inflated egos, or for the conspiracy theories about lizard people and the Illuminati that this column will inevitably lead to, all of which are also about you.
