TITUSVILLE, FL — The Muscle Max exoskeleton has hit the local economy where nobody expected. The city's sex workers, newly stronger than anyone who ever bothered them, have walked off the job, leaving pimps and johns in shock.
"It's a ghost town out there," said Big Daddy Slim, a veteran pimp known for flamboyant suits and a short temper. "My girls used to line up for blocks. Now they're all starting businesses or training for the Olympics. It's a damn shame." He then asked GNN whether we were hiring.
The "superhoes," as local media have dubbed them, are moving into construction, firefighting, professional wrestling and armored truck driving. Many are putting the money into school.
"I'm done being someone's plaything," said Candy Cane, who now runs her own landscaping company. "I can lift a tree trunk like a feather. Why would I go back to creepy johns and a greedy pimp?"
Bars, nightclubs and adult venues report a sharp drop in revenue. "This is a disaster for Titusville," said Mayor Joe "Jowls" Jowlson. "We need to lure these women back to work, or the city goes bankrupt."
City officials are weighing tax breaks, free childcare and a dedicated "empowerment zone" with business training, all designed to get women back into a job they just used business training to leave.
"They can offer us every perk in the world," Candy Cane said. "We already have the perks. We have the exoskeletons."
