TITUSVILLE, FL — Researchers at the Florida Institute of Techno-Augmentation (FITA) have found that occasionally shutting your goddamn mouth can significantly improve perception and overall well-being.
The study enrolled chatty baristas, overzealous podcasters and one former telemarketer, and assigned them regular intervals of silence, from 15 minutes to a full hour a day. Participants were encouraged to meditate, take nature walks or stare blankly into space.
"We were shocked," said lead researcher Dr. Eleanor Hush. "The simple act of not talking has a profound effect on the brain's ability to process information." She then said nothing for the rest of the interview, which GNN found very effective.
Participants reported feeling calmer and more focused, and they got better at listening to others. "I used to be a nonstop chatterbox," said the former telemarketer. "After a few weeks I could hear birds outside my window. I didn't know we had birds."
The effect extends to relationships. "When you stop talking, other people get to share their thoughts and feelings," Dr. Hush said. Several spouses of participants have asked FITA to make the study permanent.
FITA is now building an app, Shut It, to track silent intervals and recommend personalized ways of shutting your goddamn mouth. The app has no sound.
