Rumors about the Noodle Prophet's expanding harem are spreading across Mudwick Isle. The charismatic leader, once hailed as a unifying force, now stands accused of monopolizing the Goblin Nation's limited supply of eligible bachelorettes.
Goblin bachelors are bemoaning their dwindling dating pool, and goblin mothers are worrying about their daughters and the prospect of half-pasta, half-goblin grandchildren.
"It's not fair," said one bachelor, nursing a pint of fermented mushroom ale at the Groovy Grotto. "The Noodle Prophet already has all the power, all the fame, and now they're hoarding all the good-looking goblins too."
Estimates of the number of the Prophet's mates range from a dozen to several hundred, depending on the source and how much the source has had to drink. Some claim a secret underground lair full of kidnapped princesses and mermaid brides.
The Goblin Council of Elders, reluctant to intrude on the Prophet's personal affairs, is under growing pressure to act.
"We understand our citizens' concerns," said Elder Gnarltooth, his voice a mixture of concern and thinly veiled envy. "We respect the Noodle Prophet's right to choose their partners, but we must also consider the effect on the well-being of the Goblin Nation."
A special committee will gather data on goblin marriages, birth rates and the availability of eligible mates. The Council has also consulted the Oracle, who mumbled something about "a prophecy of love, lust and a severe shortage of eligible bachelors."
The Prophet dismisses the accusations as "jealousy" and "misinformation," and says the number of partners is simply a testament to divine charisma. Some goblins defend the Prophet's right to choose. Others want a cap on polygamy or a mandatory redistribution of eligible goblins. The committee has asked for volunteers to be redistributed first.
