Leading figures of the Goblin Pastafarian faith have condemned the Squirrel Empire for its total lack of noodle consumption.
"Their refusal to embrace the holy noodle is a direct affront to the Flying Spaghetti Monster's teachings," declared High Priest Gurgleblaster of Rigatonia. "A society without noodles is a society doomed to spiritual emptiness!"
The Pastafarians, who hold that the universe was created by a giant spaghetti monster, consider noodles sacred. The empire's citizens, to keep up their claim to be squirrels, eat nothing but acorns, at every meal, in public, while visibly hating it. The Pastafarians call this nutritionally deficient and spiritually bereft.
"Nuts? Seriously?" scoffed Priestess Gloopglop. "That's like trying to build a house out of acorns! Which they have also done!"
Gurgleblaster added that the settlers are goblins in costume eating acorns out of loyalty to a lie, "which is the same as a religion, only without the noodles."
The Pastafarians are calling on the Goblin Council of Elders to act against the empire's "unholy" diet as a threat to the moral fabric of the goblin world. The Council has replied that it cannot comment on the diet of squirrels.
Several imperial citizens have since been caught sneaking across the border at night for spaghetti.
