The GoblinNet drunk posting crisis has been averted, thanks to a new wave of targeted ads for stimulants: caffeine and the infamous Nicaraguan Nose Nachos.
The campaign, launched by the Goblin Ministry of Marketing in a desperate attempt to restore order, has been a resounding success. Goblins fueled by caffeine jitters and the potent nasal kick of Nose Nachos are now flooding the platform with coherent, insightful and extremely fast posts.
"It's a miracle!" said chief moderator Grungle Gristle, frantically trying to keep up. "We've gone from slurred nonsense to a whirlwind of philosophical debates, conspiracy theories and detailed instructions on how to build a catapult out of used coffee grounds. Nobody has slept. Nobody wants to."
The Goblin Council of Elders, initially skeptical, now calls the plan a stroke of genius.
"Never underestimate the power of stimulants," said Elder Gnarltooth, his eyes twitching. "A little chaos is a good thing, as long as it's channeled in the right direction. Which direction? All of them. Simultaneously."
Sales of Goblin Coffee and Nose Nachos have skyrocketed, spawning a wave of goblin entrepreneurs and a thriving black market for energy drinks and questionable performance enhancers. Some goblins worry about the long-term effects, but they have only had time to post about it 4,000 times.
Average time spent on GoblinNet is now 26 hours a day.
