TITUSVILLE, Fla. — I visited the Goblin Research Institute (GRI) to meet the team behind the Scentoscope, the olfactory telescope sniffing out the secrets of the universe. I sat down with Dr. Barker, head of the GRI, and his team of bipedal, opposable-thumbed, culturally fluent dog (BDCD) astronomers to find out what space smells like.
What inspired the Scentoscope?
Dr. Barker: BDCD noses are far more sensitive than any instrument we could build. We realized that if we could harness that, we'd open a whole new dimension of astronomy.
What does it actually do?
Dr. Barker: It collects and amplifies scent molecules from distant bodies and identifies their chemical composition: organic compounds, atmospheric conditions, potentially signs of life.
What have you learned so far?
Dr. Sniffles: The universe is a symphony of smells! Everything from the pungent sulfur of Venus to the sweet, earthy organics of a distant exoplanet.
Can you describe specific planets?
Dr. Sniffles: Jupiter smells like a wet dog rolled in ammonia and rotten eggs. Saturn is subtler: metallic, with a hint of pine needles. Mars is surprisingly fragrant. Iron, ozone and a faint whiff of what we believe could be microbial life. Or a mailman. We're checking.
And stars?
Dr. Woofgang: Stars have an almost ethereal scent: burning hydrogen, helium, a faint undertone of ozone. Each one has its own profile depending on age, size and composition. The Sun smells like a sidewalk in August.
What's next?
Dr. Barker: New worlds, new life forms, new smells.
And alien life?
Dr. Sniffles: That's the goal. Whether it's on a distant exoplanet or right here in our solar system, we'll sniff it out.
At this point Dr. Woofgang asked to point the Scentoscope at the darkest part of the sky, "just to see." Dr. Barker said they would talk about it after lunch.
